Red, Green and Black
by Bimadabomi
Summary: “We are never coming into a Victoria’s Secret together again. Never.” Luke and Lorelai's shopping trip before the teaser of 6.05. [Oneshot]


Red, Green and Black

I admit, I had this idea in my head after 6.05, but I wasn't going to do anything with it. Then other people started mentioning that they'd like a fic like this, so I figured I should go ahead with it. Included some of the elements I remember people wanting to see. This is the shopping trip that Luke and Lorelai were on before the teaser of "We've Got Magic to Do." Luke knew which bag was the underwear bag and we have to see what Luke going underwear shopping with Lorelai would be like, so here it is. I'm not sure if the pink bag in the teaser was actually from Victoria's Secret, but let's pretend it was. Also, I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to really try underwear on, but go with it for the story's sake.

xxxxxxx

They'd been shopping for three hours.

Three hours, or 180 some minutes, as Luke calculated. 180 minutes of his life that probably could have been better spent. He glanced at Lorelai, who was struggling with the bag she had in her hand, frowning and grumbling. Though he hated to admit it, three hours spent shopping wasn't really a waste if he was with Lorelai.

"They don't make these bags durable," she complained, "I mean, they want you to buy things, right? That's the whole point of the store, for people to come in and buy things. The more things you buy, the better, and yet, they don't make their shopping bags durable enough to hold a large amount of purchases."

"Just give me the bag," he muttered, prying it from her hands.

"I can carry it," she insisted.

"I know," he placated her, "but please, for my sanity, let me carry it for you."

"Fine," she flashed him an innocent smile. "But only because you want to so badly." He rolled his eyes and she smirked. "I'm hungry," she said with a sigh.

He snorted. "You just ate three huge pretzels, an ice-cream, and let's not forget the main course consisting of three slices of pizza. How are you hungry?"

"Shopping takes a lot of energy," she stated, glancing into the window of the store they were passing.

"No kidding," he muttered. "Would you please just let me take these bags to the car?"

"No, Luke! I told you. Part of the fun of shopping is carrying around all your purchases."

"Even though the bag's not durable and you keep complaining they're too heavy and I'm carrying half of them? For the record, I don't think it's part of the fun."

"Come on, we're almost done anyway," she said, tugging on his sleeve.

"You said that an hour ago, Lorelai."

She smiled guiltily. "I know, but that was before I found out about the massive amount of sales on the second floor. I promise. One more store and we're done."

"Fine," Luke gave in. She stopped and gestured at the store in front of them. "Here. Last stop."

"No," he said firmly. "No. Not going to happen."

She laughed. "What, are you scared of the store?"

"Lorelai…"

"What's there to be scared of? The underwear? Or are you afraid if you go in you might found out what Victoria's secret really is?"

"There is no way I'm going in there."

"Come on," she grumbled, pulling on his sleeve. "I have to have underwear, this is where I buy it. It'll be really quick, I promise."

"Why don't I believe that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her. "I can just wait outside."

"Luke," she whined. "No, come on. I promise, there's things in there you'll like."

"I'll like them at home, on you, in private. Not in the middle of a damn store with people around."

"Yes, but if you come in, you can help me pick. That'll be even better for you. Maybe there's something in there you really like that I wouldn't normally buy," she tried to reason, still toying with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Lorelai…"

"Luke," she mimicked. "Come on." She grabbed his arm. "Please?" For good measure, she placed her hand on his cheek and planted a quick kiss on his lips. "I love you," she reminded him, making sure her engagement ring flashed in front of his face as she removed her hand from his cheek and back down to her side.

"Fine," he muttered, and she grinned in triumph. He was getting easier and easier to break the longer they were together. She was sure it was supposed to be the other way around—wasn't he supposed to be sick of her and able to resist her the longer they were together? It had started with the pout, back when they were friends. Then the hair flip. Next, the black dress. Then the power of saying 'I love you.' Now the engagement ring was working wonders, especially when combined with the use of 'fiancé.' She was almost afraid to see what he'd do if she combined all the elements at once.

She led him into the store, despite his resisting body language. Stepping inside, he glanced around nervously, noting that the store smelled like flowers and was full of women. He made eye contact with another woman , who was browsing through a rack, and he looked away quickly.

"Are you sure this store's not for women only?" he asked Lorelai in a whisper.

She laughed. "Yes, Luke, I'm sure. Sometimes men even come into these stores on their own. You know, birthdays, Valentine's Day, anniversaries."

"Well don't expect me to start doing that," he said with a grumble, shifting the bags around as they began to get heavy in his hands.

"I never have, I never would," she assured him with a smirk. She was suddenly wandering off towards a display, leaving Luke alone in the middle of the store. He sighed and glanced around, hoping for a chair that he could sit on so that he could appear out of the way and less obviously out of place. The only chair was next to the dressing room, and filled with clothes that should be on shelves, not to mention the young girl sitting on top of them who was impatiently waiting for her mother, who was shopping. He knew the feeling. However, at least she was a girl.

Deciding standing near a wall would be the best place for him, he began to maneuver his way through the racks.

"Excuse me?" He turned to see a blonde woman talking to him.

"Oh, uh, yeah?"

"I was just wondering," she said to him, "if you could give me your opinion." Before Luke could respond that the last thing he wanted to do in this store was give a strange woman an opinion on the lingerie she was about to buy, she continued, "I can't decide between the blue and the dark green," she said, holding out two bra and panty sets. "What do you think?"

"I really don't know enough to give you my opinion," he began, blinking rapidly.

"Oh, no, come on. You're a man," the woman stated. "I'm sure you have an opinion on which you like better, and it's got to be closer to my husband's opinion than my own would be." She held up the two bras. "So, what do you think? Blue or green?"

"I, uh…" Luke faltered. "I really don't…"

"And more importantly," the woman continued, glancing at the underwear in her hands again, "which do you think would look better on me? Body type and eye color and all."

Luke stood there unable to speak, vaguely aware of Lorelai's uncontrollable laughter behind him. "They're both fine," he told the woman and quickly spun around to see Lorelai laughing. "Not funny," he told her.

"So funny," she corrected, covering her mouth with her hand to quiet her giggles. "You should have seen your face."

"I swear, the things you get me into," he grumbled. "I'll be dead before I even get around to marrying you."

Lorelai's giggles stopped as she felt that familiar twinge of guilt rise up in her. His words reminded her that he was no closer to marrying her than the day they got engaged almost five months ago, because of her stupid fight with Rory. She felt extremely guilty about that, putting Luke off because she wanted Rory to be a part of everything. She knew he understood, completely, and would never complain about it, which made her feel worse. But part of her knew it was unfair to him, especially when she wasn't making a move to go out of her way to fix things with Rory.

"It's good for you," she teased, trying to brush the guilt off. "Now, come on. Are you going to help strangers pick out underwear and not me? That's all kinds of wrong."

"I really just don't want to be here," he complained.

"Suck it up," she hit him lightly on the chest. "Okay, so underwear. Let's start with color. No, we should start with material. What's your preference today? Silk? Lace? Cotton?"

He glanced to their left, noticing a woman standing about five feet away. He looked at her warily.

"People can hear us," he whispered.

"Luke, come on," she said with a laugh. "Forget about the other people, no one is paying attention to you." She held up two pairs of underwear. "What do you think of these?"

The woman to their left was suddenly closer, standing next to Lorelai as she browsed. "Uhh, they're fine," he decided.

"Personally," Lorelai thought aloud, "I feel like silk today."

"Sure, silk, silk's good," he agreed quickly. "I think I'm just gonna…" he gestured towards the wall. "Stand."

"No, no," she grabbed his arm quickly. She noticed the woman next to her and rolled her eyes with a sigh. "Fine, come on. Let's go look where there's no one around, okay? Is that better?" she asked as she pulled him towards a rack in the back of the store.

"Not completely," he muttered. "We're still in the store."

"Hey, this is the fun stuff anyway," she said excitedly, ignoring his complaints.

"You mean the last section wasn't fun?" he mocked, "because you seemed to be laughing plenty."

She ignored him. "Sexy sleepwear," she read the sign on the rack. "And I don't think that means pajamas," she added as she pulled a babydoll off the rack. "See, this is the fun stuff."

She watched as Luke's face turned about nine different shades of red, which completely amused her for some reason. "Nice," he said, worriedly glancing around.

"No one's back here, chill," she said. "Since you're suffering so much today, although we came in here for underwear, maybe we'll leave with something a little more fun for you. What do you think? There's got to be something on this rack that you like." She placed the item she had pulled off the rack back in its place.

He grumbled. "They're all fine."

"'Fine' is not what we're going for here, Luke," she teased, flipping through the items on the rack. "We're looking more for 'sexy' or 'spectacular.'"

"Lorelai, they're all sexy, okay? They're all spectacular. Anything on this rack that you put on will be sexy and spectacular, okay? So let's just please pick something and move along."

She raised her eyebrows. "So, what do you think of this one, then?" she asked, pulling another hanger off the rack, containing a black silk and sheer babydoll that caught her eye as something Luke would appreciate. She watched him bite his lip for a moment, before glancing around quickly. "You have to imagine, of course, me with only this on," she said as she held it up to herself. "No pants, no shirt, just this. How's that image for you?"

"I never should have come in here."

"Which is Luke speak for, 'though I think that would look spectacular, I'd rather take it right off of you the minute I see you in it,'" she said knowingly.

He let a smile form on his lips. "Something like that."

"I really wish you'd pick something on your own," she pouted as she casually began to look through the rack again, keeping the item he appreciated in her hand. "It's fun."

"Judging by that pick, I think you're perfectly capable of picking something I'll like."

She grinned knowingly at him, still flipping through the rack. "Which is good to know," she explained, "because I've already gotten an idea for something to wear on our wedding night," she raised her eyebrows. "Saw it a while back, caught my eye."

"Uhh," he was taken aback by that comment, and he wasn't sure if it was because of the image and the suggestion or the mention of a plan for their wedding. "That's… uh, interesting."

She giggled and continued flipping through the rack as Luke watched, every once in a while glancing around to see if anyone was joining them in the back of the store, when suddenly his gaze seemed to stick on something. Lorelai glanced over her shoulder to see what caught his attention. She rolled her eyes when she noticed it was the chair next to the fitting room that the young girl had vacated. "Go on," she told him, "you've suffered enough. Go sit."

He let out a relieved breath. "I'll be over there, staring at my feet."

"Hospitals and lingerie stores cause you to stare at your feet. Who knew they were on the same level?" she teased as Luke took off towards the chair. She shook her head in amusement.

"And take the red one," his voice was back a second later. She turned to look at him with an impressed raise of her eyebrows.

"What?"

He nodded towards the rack. "The red one," he said, and she grinned.

"Ah. Got it," she said with a semi-seductive grin, pulling the red piece of lingerie, a red v-neck babydoll made of lace, off the rack. "Should've known, you love the red." She frowned. "And the green. And the black," she realized. "Maybe it's just me," she concluded.

"That would be a good guess," he agreed. Suddenly he seemed to be uncomfortable again, realizing people were around. "I'll be…" he gestured to the chair and she laughed and waved him off.

"Go."

As she continued to shop, for the underwear she actually had come in to purchase, she'd glance at Luke every once in a while and watch him go out of his way to keep from making eye contact with any of the women in the store. At one point, a man came in and Luke eyed him warily, no doubt wondering what the hell the man was thinking, walking into Victoria's Secret of his own free will. The man had passed by Luke and nodded to him casually, acknowledging the other male presence in the store, and Luke had uncomfortably nodded in return, causing Lorelai to giggle and Luke to glare at her, which caused her to giggle again.

He was so uncomfortable and so out of his element. In a mall, not to mention in a lingerie store. She loved him for shopping with her. And she loved shopping with him. While he didn't gasp over cute clothes in the window, or try things on himself, like it would be if she were here with Rory, she had just as much fun with him, wherever they were. And shopping with Luke had the added advantage of opinions on lingerie, though it was like pulling teeth to get one out of Luke. Rory had always refused to go inside any sort of lingerie store or section with her mother, and forcing Rory to do so was about eighty different types of weird, whereas forcing Luke to was totally allowed in her book.

She only hoped that the increasing amount of time he was spending with her since they had gotten engaged had everything to do with the fact that he wanted to be with her and nothing to do with the fact that he felt sorry for her because Rory wasn't around.

"I'm going into the dressing room," she told him as she passed by him and headed behind the curtain of the room next to his chair.

"There goes another hour," he sighed.

"I heard that!" she pretended to be offended.

"So prove me wrong," he stated. "It's 3:17 right now."

"You're on." She was quiet for a few more minutes and only the rustle of clothes was heard behind the curtain. Luke glanced up and noticed the cashier, a teenage girl who looked bored, was staring at him, probably loving it when men came into the store feeling uncomfortable, providing her entertainment for the day. He looked down quickly.

"Luuke," Lorelai's voice called.

"What?" he replied, turning in his chair to lean towards the curtain of the dressing room.

"I need your opinion."

"On what?"

"On whether man really walked on the moon," she quipped. "On what I'm wearing."

"What?" he asked, hoping he hadn't heard her right.

"Come in here!" she exclaimed, a little too loudly for his liking.

"Are you insane?" he asked in a whisper, glancing towards the cashier and the customer at the register.

"No, Luke. I need your opinion and I'm not going out there like this."

"Well I'm not coming in there," he said, settling back down into his chair.

"I promise you, there's nothing in here that you've never seen before. Except for maybe what I'm wearing. Everyone else out there, on the other hand, has not seen ninety-six percent of my body exposed, and I'd like to keep it that way. Come in here."

He grumbled and got up, glancing at the cashier who was smirking knowingly as she handed the customer at the register a bag before he slipped behind the curtain.

"I swear to God, one of these days…" he ranted, but stopped when he glanced at Lorelai, wearing the black lingerie that he had approved of earlier.

She laughed. "Does that mean it passes the Luke seal of approval?" she asked with a giggle.

"Lorelai, please, if you want me to make it out of here alive, take that off and let me get out of this dressing room."

"Take it off?" she teased with a shrug of her shoulders. "If you say so." She moved to remove the garment and he stopped her quickly.

"Okay, let me say that again. Let me get out of this dressing room, and then take that off. Put on your clothes and let's get out of this store and do not put that on again until I can take it off."

"And you haven't even seen the red one yet," she noted.

He held up a hand to stop her. "I'm not coming back in here," he declared.

"Uh, no, Mr. Important, no one invited you back in here. You don't get to see the red one until later. That one's a surprise. But you like this?" she asked, gesturing to the black one she was wearing. "Because I really wasn't sure."

"God, yes. Now let me out of here, please, before we get kicked out of the store for co-mingling in a dressing room."

She chuckled and kissed him on the lips quickly. "I love shopping with you."

"Yeah, it's been a barrel of fun," he mumbled, but he smiled at her knowingly anyway as he slipped out from behind the curtain. He made eye contact with the cashier, who raised her eyebrows, and he was really ready to melt through the floor.

When Lorelai emerged from the dressing room a few minutes later, she looked at him with a smile. "You're free, we can go," she told him. "We just have to pay."

"Thank God," he muttered, jumping off his chair and quickly gathering the pile of bags together. "We are never coming into a Victoria's Secret together again. Never."

"Never say never," she stated, smiling at him over her shoulder as she headed to the register. "You never know what we might need."

Before he realized what an uncomfortable situation it would be, they were at the cash register, the teenage girl ringing up Lorelai's purchases and humming to herself. Luke looked at the floor as Lorelai paid for the items and accepted the bag. "Come again soon!" the girl chirped. Luke happened to glance up at her and she was looking at him knowingly. He shook his head and headed towards the door, leaving Lorelai to thank the girl.

"Can we go home now?" he asked when they stepped out of the store, as a sales associate by the door assaulted Lorelai with a sample of Victoria's Secret perfume, causing Luke to cough as he caught a whiff.

Lorelai hesitated. "I know I promised," she began, lifting her arm to smell the perfume, "but…"

"Lorelai," he grumbled.

"This store isn't for me!" she added. "You have to buy something. You can't go shopping and come home empty handed."

"I sure can. I don't want to shop," he told her, "I don't want to try anything on. I don't want to--"

"Oh, I've got it!" she exclaimed excitedly, characteristically ignoring his protests. "A wallet."

He stopped and looked at her. "A wallet?" he asked with a frown. "You mean, we need a wallet full of cash to pay for everything you're buying today?"

"No," she shook her head, smiling at him slightly. "You need a new wallet. Let's go." She was tugging on his sleeve again, and he couldn't help but give in and follow her. As much as he had complained, he had to admit he didn't really mind. He loved being with Lorelai, even if it was at a mall or inside a Victoria's Secret.

xxxxxxx

"Love is… buying him a wallet," Lorelai teased, entering the empty diner early the morning after Luke returned from his camping trip.

"What?" he asked, meaning to frown, but unable to stop a smile from forming on his face when he saw Lorelai.

"Your new wallet," she said, waving around the new wallet she had bought him before dropping it on the diner counter. "Hi," she grinned and moved around the counter to give him a kiss. "I missed you."

"I missed you," he agreed.

They stared at each other for a moment, before she smiled again. "So how was camping?"

"It was fine," he said with a shrug. "Kind of cold."

"Yeah. Maybe we should save the camping for the spring," she nodded.

"We?" he asked with a playful smirk. Lorelai's face wasn't playful.

"Yeah, we," she said sincerely, "as in, you and me, camping."

"You, camping?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrows, crossing his arms over his chest. "You don't like camping."

"And you don't like malls and Victoria's Secret. Though you sure do seem to like the products they sell," she joked with a knowing glimmer in her eyes. "It can't be only you doing things you don't like because you like being with me. I like being with you, too, and I'm willing to do things I don't like to be with you. Next time, I'll go with you. I mean, if you want me to…"

He cut her off. "I'd love to have you come with me."

"Good. I mean, it can't be so bad, right? At the very least, sharing a tent together in the middle of nowhere makes for some fun."

He shook his head in amusement. "You're something."

"I'm your something," she said cheerily, moving to sit on a stool as he automatically went to get her a cup of coffee, even though the diner wasn't supposed to open for another ten minutes.

"You sure are," he agreed, placing the cup in front of her. "Why are you up at this time of the morning anyway?"

"I missed you, wanted to see you before Kirk got in here and ruined the moment."

"He's good at that."

"No kidding. See: First kiss."

"Actually, I think it was the third kiss he ruined," Luke corrected, and she giggled as she lifted her cup to take a sip of her coffee. Luke picked up the wallet. "It is pretty nice," he relented.

"I told you," she said happily. "It is nice."

He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and set it on the counter. "Might as well make the switch," he said with a shrug. She watched as he removed his credit cards and driver's license and his cash and switched the items to the proper places in his new wallet. Then he reached in and pulled out a scrap of paper she hadn't seen in about a year.

She looked up and met his eyes and smiled knowingly at him as he switched the horoscope from one wallet to the other. He returned the smile and closed his new wallet, putting it back into his pocket. She hadn't seen the horoscope since the night at Sniffy's, the night of their first date. Once or twice she had thought about it, but she had never really thought of it still in his wallet, or where else it would be if it weren't in his wallet.

She realized the horoscope had been in his wallet not only for eight years, while she drove him crazy, while she became his friend, but also for another year when they had been together, when they had broken up, when they had gotten back together, when they had gotten engaged. Old wallet, new wallet, future wallets. It would always be there. Kind of like him. Kind of like their friendship, which, she knew, was the reason they had so much fun when they spent so much time together. That friendship was still going strong.

"Hey Luke?" she asked suddenly, placing her coffee cup down on the counter after taking the last sip.

"What?"

"Want to go to the town meeting with me tonight?" she asked, her eyes sparkling. After their most recent discussion about doing things together, he couldn't turn it down. It was almost a trick to get him to go. But the truth was, she was planning on going anyhow and he knew that. The offer was more of an understanding than anything else.

He looked up from the counter he had been wiping. "Six o'clock?"

She nodded. "On the dot. I'll meet you here?"

He nodded. "Here is good."

"And afterwards," she said, "we'll do something. Your pick. And if you don't have a pick, we can always check out the things I bought at Victoria's Secret. Especially since I had to go all the way back there and return the wrong bag and get what I'd paid for."

He chuckled. "Sounds good," he agreed with a nod of his head.

She got up off her stool just as Kirk was strolling up the diner steps. "Here comes trouble," she teased.

"Like clockwork," Luke noted.

She laughed and leaned across the counter to give Luke a quick kiss. "I'll see you later."

He watched her walk out of the diner and say something to Kirk as he walked in, laughing good-naturedly and patting him on the arm.

He would probably go into Victoria's Secret a million times over if it meant being with Lorelai, though he'd never let her in on this knowledge, because she'd probably force him to go again. He'd rather watch her go camping.

Because that sure as hell was going to be something.

end

Special thanks to for the clear descriptions of their lingerie. The word 'babydoll' seemed awkward to use in the story, but that's how they refer to those pieces on their site, so I went with it. Check out the site if you'd like to get clearer images, lol. I seriously felt weird sitting here with lingerie models on my computer screen all day as I wrote this.


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